She Didn’t Hurt My Feelings. She Made Me Angry. Here’s Why…

Nicely, I had an fascinating factor occur final week. I had an individual depart a number of feedback on one among my A2D Fb posts that actually made me indignant. After which I made a separate Fb publish about these feedback, together with some footage of our music room, and that publish took off, with over 484K views and a pair of.5K feedback as of this morning.

I’d say about 70% of the individuals who responded understood what I used to be attempting to say. However about 30% responded with issues like, “Oh, don’t let imply feedback get you down,” and “Why do you publish on the web of you solely need constructive suggestions?” These folks missed the purpose…or possibly I didn’t make my level clear as a result of you may solely say *a lot* in a Fb publish earlier than it will get too lengthy and boring and nobody reads it. So I’m going to attempt once more in a weblog publish.

First, let me make it abundantly clear. I don’t care about imply feedback. I don’t whine and complain about imply feedback. There was a time when imply feedback actually affected me. One imply remark would stick with me all day lengthy. It could wreck my day. That point ended a few years in the past. (I wrote about that second that I ended caring about my critics right here.) And now, after 17 years of running a blog and placing my initiatives and our home on-line, you higher consider I’ve developed a really thick pores and skin by now. If I wished to whine and complain about imply feedback, there could be loads to whine and complain about.

I common about one fool a day on my Fb web page, with a few of them being actual nutjobs, whose solely purpose is to insult me. And I’m not speaking in regards to the individuals who say, “I don’t like your kitchen cupboard shade.” I don’t even put these feedback within the “imply” class. That’s only a particular person expressing their opinion, to which they’re entitled. I “like” their remark (to point that I’ve learn it) and transfer on. They don’t harm my emotions, and I couldn’t care much less if some random particular person on the web doesn’t like my kitchen.

No, once I discuss imply feedback (or feedback which can be clearly meant to harm or insult me), I’m speaking about feedback like this one from this one who left a complete slew of feedback like this on a number of of my posts…

I actually laughed at that. 🤣 There’s completely nothing about this tiny little man-child that I’d ever take significantly or take to coronary heart. Curiously, once I hovered my cursor over his title, the very first thing it mentioned below his title was that he’s the proprietor/designer at Gregory Jordan Interiors in Chicago. I obtained curious, googled that title, and was led to his Houzz account. Then I gave him some free promoting by pasting a few of his room designs into my response to him, and that actually set him off. 🤣

I’ll even give him extra free promoting now! If you happen to’re within the Chicago space, and also you’re searching for an inside designer (ASID-certified, even!), and he looks as if your kind of man, look him up! Give him a name! Once more, that’s Gregory Jordan Interiors in Chicago.

It began when an actual property agent from Louisiana commented on one among my posts and mentioned,

“You undoubtedly want to begin a sequence on how one can deliver the worth of homes down doing your individual DIY.”

However that wasn’t the one remark she left. She continued to double down, and later mentioned this,

“I didn’t inform you what to do. I simply mentioned it is best to educate the category on how one can devalue your property when attempting to promote it.”

This one? Oh yeah, this one made me indignant. However right here’s the deal. She didn’t make me indignant as a result of she harm my emotions. This girl couldn’t harm my emotions if she tried. I’m assured sufficient in my DIY skills that there’s completely no approach that some random actual property agent from Louisiana may make me really feel dangerous irrespective of how arduous she tried. And I’m additionally assured sufficient in the truth that every little thing I’ve achieved to our home has elevated the worth of the home. I imply, it will take an actual fool to say in any other case. The publish she commented on was my studio, however even when an individual doesn’t like my explicit adorning type, you’d need to be an entire moron to say that what I did decreased the worth of our home.

So why was I so indignant at her feedback? For one motive…

As a result of as a DIY and adorning blogger who has made it my mission in life to encourage householders to design and enhance their houses for themselves with out always worrying about what some random, attainable, future proprietor may assume, THIS is the very kind of particular person I’ve been railing towards for 17 years now. She randomly appeared in a number of feedback on my web page and have become the very face of that mindset that I hate a lot — that mindset that retains householders scared to make their home a house for themselves.

Completely nowhere in my publish had I discussed something about us promoting our home. If you happen to’ve been round right here for lengthy, that we now have no intention of promoting. We purchased this home with the intention of constructing it our endlessly dwelling. And but, what was her instant go-to mindset? That what I’ve achieved has “…devalu[ed] your property when attempting to promote it.” She had no regard for the truth that WE live on this home proper now. She had no concept how lengthy we’ve been right here. She had no concept if we really plan on promoting sooner or later. She knew none of that, however her go-to was that I’ve devalued it for the NEXT particular person. In different phrases, I’m not really alleged to reside in and revel in my dwelling. I’m not alleged to make selections that make me glad because the house owner. I’m solely alleged to protect what I purchased, presumably within the state by which I discovered it, in order that the following particular person shall be extra enticed to purchase it with out all my initiatives mucking up the fast sale.

Once more, if this had been just a few web rando, it in all probability wouldn’t have made me so indignant. However this can be a actual property agent who has profound affect on householders. Individuals are inclined to hearken to actual property brokers. And whereas I do know for a undeniable fact that not all actual property brokers are like this (there are some GREAT ones on the market, and in the event you’re within the Waco space, I do know one I’d extremely suggest), what I do know is that this mindset isn’t uncommon amongst them. The kinds like her are like cockroaches. The place there’s one, there shall be a thousand extra.

These folks have been my nemesis for 17 years now. Whereas I’ve been over right here in my nook of the web screaming on the prime of my digital lungs, attempting to persuade householders to make their houses their very own, and attempting to show folks how one can DIY issues in the event you don’t have the funds to rent out issues like constructing bookcases or refinishing hardwood flooring, I’m working towards hundreds of individuals on the opposite facet of that argument, making householders scared to make adjustments, scared to place their personalities into their very own houses, as a result of the following proprietor won’t prefer it.

What number of instances have I written about this on my weblog? What number of years have I been preaching this similar message? I regarded again to see if I may discover the primary publish I ever wrote about this subject, and the earliest one I may discover was from 2012. I’d be shocked if there wasn’t one earlier than that, although, as a result of I’ve had the identical message for practically twenty years now. And I’ve identified I’ve been combating different voices with the alternative message, so when this Louisiana actual property agent determined to point out her face on my web page together with her message that was diametrically against mine, I obtained indignant. I didn’t get indignant as a result of she harm my emotions. She doesn’t have the facility to try this. However she (and the hundreds of actual property brokers like her) does have the facility to affect hundreds of house owners together with her message, and that message makes me indignant.

Living proof, as I opened up my laptop computer laptop simply this morning, and opened up a brand new tab on my browser that robotically opens to the MSN dwelling web page, the very first article that appeared within the higher left hand nook was this one.

These articles are all over the place. I see a minimum of one a day. I obtained curious, so I clicked on it, and…properly…in line with this text, I now must repaint each floor in my home to stay “present”.

And what even is that this subsequent one? “The usual double self-importance and bathtub and bathe combo are getting drained.” What? Are you kidding me?

And I additionally must swap out my gallery partitions, regardless that I completely love gallery partitions, for giant artwork.

And evidently, I now must do away with my pink sofa within the music room, my purple chairs in the lounge, and my purple benches within the breakfast room and substitute all of them with neutrals to be “in”.

And this must be probably the most tone-deaf factor I’ve ever learn. Cease shopping for the reasonably priced paintings that matches your funds. All of us now want commissioned paintings.

To be clear, I’m all for supporting artists, and I believe if unique commissioned paintings matches into your adorning funds, it’s a good way to personalize a house and help artists who must be paid properly for his or her unique work, and particularly commissioned work (since commissioned work is one-of-a-kind that they’ll’t make further cash on by promoting prints). However to place folks down and make them really feel dangerous if unique commissioned paintings doesn’t match their funds, and so they occur to search out one thing they like a World Market or Passion Foyer that they wish to grasp on their wall, is so tone-deaf to me.

Anyway, I advised little miss Louisiana actual property agent that she will be able to go pound sand. And so can each different actual property agent telling householders that each resolution they make for his or her dwelling must be with the longer term proprietor in thoughts. And on prime of that, I’ll additionally inform these shelter magazines to go pound sand with their silly “what’s out and in for this 12 months” lists. I despise all of them as a result of each single one among them goes towards the message that I’ve been attempting to get throughout to householders for practically twenty years now. I’ve been beating this drum for the final 17 years, and I’ll proceed to take action so long as I can.

And the following actual property agent who reveals up on my Fb web page or my weblog and tells me that I must be occupied with the longer term proprietor will get the identical therapy as this one as a result of I’ll use each alternative and each instance that presents itself to me as a chance to proceed preaching my message, and that’s this…

Owners, in case you have no plan to promote your own home within the very close to future, make your own home your individual. Don’t make selections based mostly on what some faceless, anonymous, attainable, potential future proprietor of your own home might or might not like, as a result of you don’t have any concept what they may need or like. Make your own home your own home whilst you have it.

UPDATE: I simply now sat again down at my desk (at 10:20am) after serving to Matt do his morning workout routines, opened up a brand new browser tab, and as soon as once more, that is the primary article that confirmed up on the MSN homepage.

I didn’t even hassle clicking on this one as a result of I merely don’t care about traits. It’s all an effort to maintain you regularly discontent, and to maintain you within the fixed “client” mindset. Simply say no to all of it. Discover what you like. Do what you like. Encompass your self with the colours and private objects that you simply love. Create a house that you simply love. The top.